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| Davy Crocket and Mary |
Verbally, I cope with turmoil inappropriately. I don't think, I just say it. My vocal audit button gets stuck. I cry, scream, and let the F-word fly. Just last week in Macy's I flipped out when I wasn't serviced to my satisfaction. This impetuousness had led to many hurt feelings and embarrassment.
I can't write when I am upset. The words seen to fall out of my brain and swirl around my feet like leaves in a storm. I can't catch them, and if I were to, I wouldn't know what to do with them. This is probably a protective mechanism that stems from the greatest lesson my dad ever taught me; never put anything in writing that will come back to haunt you.
So, I'm sorry I dropped a juicy romance bomb on you all and then vacated. At the time, I didn't know what I could properly share with you, or even how to put it in words. But it's really for the best that my mind works this way.
After my last post, my mother informed me that she loved David. She also announced that David Carpe Diem would be coming to live with her for the winter. This announcement came on day 5 of my mom's trip to the North Woods. In the form of an email.
HUH?
I had a meltdown. It was mental, and verbal. In written form, it went something like this:
This man, this man I had never met would be hanging his hat in the closet where my dad's sweaters still sit on the shelf. This man, this man I had never met, would be sitting in his jammies watching the 58 inch TV my dad bought and never got a chance to enjoy. This man, this man I had never met, had so quickly worked his way into my mother's heart. I didn't know him, he didn't know me. WTF?
The same person who had set-up her mother on Match.Com was now fuming because she had gone and found love. How fair was that? But lines get blurred when your best friend is your mother, and yet you will forever feel like her eight-year-old child. For so many reasons, this announcement was threatening to me. Was my mom abandoning me, sacrificing our time together, and forgetting the memory of my father? And how did all this happen in five days? Did five days instantly diminish the meaning and depth of forty years with my father? For the next day, I wallowed in my own little pity party, waiting for my mother to return to Arizona and some form of reason.
David will still be coming out to stay for the winter. But he won't be a complete stranger. One of my Peace Treaty Rules is that Davy Jones( it's what I call him) come out to meet the family before he moves in; it seemed like an acceptable demand. He is coming out next week. I'm opening my heart and head to this man but will be watching him like a hawk. If he's quick to use my mom's money and heart, I'll just as quickly substitute Bernice's Alpo next month. If ya catch my drift...
Time home ( and the telephone )has brought my mother and me the clarity and rationality that seemed to be strangled in red wine, and warm blankets in Wisconsin. My mom is still my shopping partner, and she still holds a place in her heart for my father. My mom talks to David every day, and they sound very sweet and loving on their phone calls. They are getting to know each other, better. They are sharing histories, likes, dislikes. It is a reverse courtship of sorts, and I am overjoyed to be a witness to it. I am ecstatic that my mother is happy.
Today, I'm grateful for time, and my inablitly to write in times of stress. Things have unfolded rather nicely around here. I would have hated to have to issue a retraction for something I wrote prematurely. I do enough apologizing for my sailor's mouth.
Please read Jen's blog, and Liz's, too. They are my blogger buddies, and have lots they are thankful for, too. ->
