Things That Took Me Fifty Years to Learn by Dave Barry
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings'.
There is a very fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness'.
You should not confuse your career with your life.
Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. (This one is very important)
Never lick a steak knife.
The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.
The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
Your friends love you anyway.
Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the
My favorite statement is the one about a friend being rude to a waiter. It is the absolute truth. I once had a friend that browbeat and harassed wait staff. This so-called friend was born with a silver spoon and never worked a day in her life. It only took a couple of outings with her for me to realize that I didn't want to be friends with someone who would have been nasty to me a couple of years earlier. She had shown her true colors.
I also think I may be crossing the line from hobby to mental illness. The addiction? This blog!