Sunday, May 31, 2009

Day 105 - Sweet Life

photos from clockwise top left (China, Brazil, Pakistan) Week In Pictures, May 21-28 , MSNBC

Heavens to Betsy! The crazy shit these poor people and animals are going through!

Scot and I took in a Diamondback/Braves game today. When Scot graduated, Joelle outdid herself in the gift-giving department and sent him two tickets to the game. It was a touching personal gesture, as Scot is from Atlanta and loves the Braves. We enjoyed the alone time, complete with hot dogs and soft pretzels.

While we were at the game, Scot reminded me that today would be my first full day at the cottage, had we gone. Instead, we stayed home while my father awaits his surgery. Today, my brother came in from Michigan, and I went a baseball game (that alone is bizarre.)

Life changes with a phone call, , and what seems to matter is how you regroup and carry on despite the disappointment. After the game, we returned for the kids, and had dinner with my parents and Tim. All in all, a nice day. Not Michigan by the lake, but not a sharp stick in the eye, either.

Every now and then, I check out MSNBC or Time's Pictures of the Week. Not only are the photos breathtaking, but they also remind me of the sweet, easy life I live in this wonderful country. Adversity is adversity, but I cannot imagine handling a problem child or sick parent in dirty, flooded, inhospitable living conditions.

My problems? Nah, not so much.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Day 104 - Snap Happy Kid

The kids abuse the computer, and my camera. Scot can fix the computer should anything become sticky or broken, and the camera is a point-and-shoot. Better they have a good time with the electronics and let me eat dinner in peace. The following slide show comes from Maggie. She took these pics last weekend at the hotel. There were actually over 60 images, but I cut it down. You don't have to thank me.

Friday, May 29, 2009

Day 104 - What I've Learned

What I've Learned (If Anything) This Week (quoting Willy Geist from Morning Joe)

1. Six-year- old boys can smell like hoagies. Are they really maturing this fast? And if so, does he already want to bone my five-year-old?

2. Waiting for a life-changing surgery is much like waiting for a baby in week 39 of pregnancy. As much as you want to see that baby's face, you have no idea what you're going to get. There's a chance you'll never sleep again. If they have colic, throw in a personal prescription for uppers. Once this surgery is complete, we'll know what we're up against. I'm only hoping it's calm, bonding , healing time. This afterglow would be complete with hope of a renewed, healthy life.

3. Fat Tire's Skinny Dip beer has me feeling robbed. It's got nice hops, but has a light finish. Give me the calories and something to burp about.

4. It's much easier to bite your tongue with family than with a stranger in a parking lot. Although this may save feelings and face, it does seem to lead to dysfunction.

5. Bernice eats like Scot and Nora - light. Patrick eats anything within reach- like Nora and myself. We all tend to favor the dog with the similar appetite.

6. You marry what you expect. If you don't expect to be treated well, chances are you won't be treated well.

7. If you're going to have a beer, have the one you really want. Life is too short to save 30 calories.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Day 102 - Family Haiku ( with commas)

Dysfunction Junction
Late, drunk in-law, mother mad
These ties, how they bind

I'm not pulling a Kate Gosselin and letting all the family baggage hang out tonight. I'm just giving you a snippet. Enough to make you wonder at what the hell happened to my evening. OH, and it wasn't my husband and his family. All this crazy, it was my side. Scot's family is looking more normal all the time.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Day 101 - Catch up

Did ya miss me, didja?

I had a friend call today, wondering if I was dead on the floor. Since I hadn't posted in two days, the natural thought was that I must have perished. And here I was, simply giving you all a break.

First of all, I'd like to extend some kudos to Darcy, the Tenacious Blogger, on her post today. Brilliantly put and felt Darcy. I see my future in your postings, and I am petrified/scared/hopeful of the teen years with my kids. Once they sow their oats, your kids will be back to spend time with you. It appears you've done a good job. I tried posting all of this in your comments, but I cannot get anything published on there.

The "staycation" was nice. I clocked it. We were three miles from the house. Staying in an ice box of a hotel room, with slick Frette linens and piped-in hotel smell. Delicious. I could stay in a Motel 6 and be giddy. Scot, the girls, and my mom and dad and I sat by the pool, maxing out on sesame crackers topped with dilled Havarti and horseradish cheddar. All washed down by plenty of beer.

Norm's surgery is scheduled for next Thursday, June 4th. I detest that such a thing is happening in my birthday month. It is my mom and brother's birthday month as well. Bad things should only occur in January and February, when you expect snow, rain, and shit, and don't mind heaping on more for good measure. June is for vacations, ice cream and weddings. Damn you, pancreas, and your timing.

My brother Tim will be coming out on Wednesday. My dad and brother are very close, and that is a delightful thing to see for a step-parent/child relationship. I adore my brother, and am so glad he will be staying with my mom for a couple of days. I only hope we can laugh the entire visit.

Dirty Sanchez (Patrick) eats toenail clippings. It's true. I'll try to get it on film. Ours is an unconditional love as I still picked him up and gave him kisses after witnessing the event.

Nora got stung by a bee today, and I thought we were going to need a paper bag to keep her conscious. Not for any allergic reaction, just for the sheer drama of the event. She's fine.

Scot and I found ourselves watching a tribute to George Strait tonight. We're not big country fans, but we'll watch Jai alai if it looks good on HD. After many celebrity dedications, Martina McBride belted out a Garth Brooks classic, The Dance. It never fails to make me ponder every single opportunity I've ever had; those taken, and those wasted. Fantastic song. I will leave you now, with the lyrics. See you tomorrow night.

Garth Brooks - The Dance

Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared beneath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known you'd ever say goodbye
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance
Holding you I held everything
For a moment wasn't I the king
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance
Yes my life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain but I'd of had to miss the dance

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Day 100 - Peace Out!

The Millenium Hotel, Scottsdale. $99 a night, with $100 food and beverage credit. Why stay home?

Packing up the family today and joining my parents three miles south of here, for a "staycation." That's what they call it here when you leave the comforts of your house to sweat it out at a local hotel pool. I won't be blogging tomorrow, as the computer will be at home. We will return to the house once tomorrow, to feed the dogs. Back on Tuesday. Have a happy one.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Day 99- If I was a Carpenter...

We'd all be in trouble. Does it speak of your lack of handiwork when specific chairs are designated for lighter people?

Yesterday, I scored this perfectly cute and acceptable dining set at Home Depot. For $99. Metal and glass. That's right biotches. AND, with the cushions. Cushions alone can break the bank. The catch was that it was in a box, and had to be put together. It only took me about 3 hours, a couple of assists from Scot ('thread the washer through the screw, don't hold the washer with one hand, and the screw with the other' Duh ) and some last minute pitching in from Mary. And here it is. What I did with the Saturday of Memorial Day weekend. Nice.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Day 98 - Picture Pages

Thank God I wasn't the photographer! Great job, Jo.
Have a wonderful Friday everyone.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Day 97 - Sending out an SOS

"Hey, big guy, ya mind slipping one in there for me?"

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Day 96 - I should Have Stayed Home. Oh wait, I never left!

Norm is scheduled to be scheduled for surgery in the next ten days. It is a mass, and it needs to come out. We don't know what kind of mass it is, but it's fast-growing. As I was recounting my dad's condition to a friend at Maggie's school, Nora threw up on my shoes. I took her home to find she has a fever. Mama told me there would be days like this.

A friend's little girl was bit by the family cat. When my friend asked her daughter what happened, her daughter replied "I touched Boo's privates." When I heard this, I shot a snot booger I laughed so hard. While sitting on the side of the pool with the kids, I went to put my leg down on the step. Only I miscalculated, and fell boob-deep into the pool. All I could do was laugh.

I am looking for humor and joy in everything, because I am so sad. I am clutching my loved ones to my chest and savoring every moment. As my mom and I sat crying today, my dad walked up to us and jokingly said "Hey, I am here to help you get through this." He is right. With each other, our love, and our humor, we will get through this.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Day 94 - 25,000 Mornings

On Thursday, my father got a call from his doctor. Seems his follow-up MRI on his pancreas is showing a large mass. The doctor has ordered tests. And now we wait. If it's serious, surgery. If it's really serious, well, I dare not go there. If it's simply inflammation, they will be released for take-off. My parents were supposed to shove off for Michigan on Sunday. Now they are in a travel holding pattern.

This will be our third annual summer trip to Michigan. If my parents don't go, I will probably stay home as well. It just wouldn't be any fun with half the party missing. Every morning, as I drink my coffee, I see an ad for "Pure Michigan." On my most callous, hardened day, the ads make me tear up, and serve as a "carpe diem" siren. Today, this ad was almost too much for me to bear.

Come on pancreas, the fish are biting! We need to get to Michigan.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Day 94 - The Office

My New Part-time Gig

I spent two hours cold-calling today. Scot and Keith's company is helping a friend to raise sponsorship for a golf tournament. I called companies in the Seattle area and tried to generate interest in parting with 500-5000 dollars. I received one lecture about the economic crisis (in other words 'go screw yourself') and 15 voice mailboxes. I tried to sound concise and sexy with the men, polite and no-nonsense with the chicks. You could call it "playing to my audience."

It wasn't selling a book, or my spectacular jewels at a craft fair, but it wasn't changing shitty diapers either. It's a job. I suppose I'll give it another couple of days. I've already let my employer know that if I'm given the pick of the work, there will be something in it for him. Who knows; maybe I'll be calling you soon. If you don't hang up on me, I'll let you call me Pam.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Day 93 - A huahua Wedding

Scot and I were sans children for about an hour this morning. We ambled about the kitchen, perused the paper, and after a couple of Bloody Mary's wondered where the kids were. HA! We found them out back, in the 97 degree heat, planning a wedding. That's right! Hot on the heels of a graduation, the children threw a wedding today. Their favorite Webkinz, Papi and Chloe, tied the knot. Maggie had made Papi a tie and top-hat out of paper and an empty tape roll. Chloe donned her finest bling for the occasion. The girls had even gone to the trouble of chalking an outline of an aisle. All Webkinz guests were in attendance. The happy couple will be residing in the Family Room, where they've built a house out of a blue box and a Fisher-Price garage.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Day 92 - My dad, the guest blogger

Here's the email I get from my dad today:

Toni -- my write up on NORTHERN MEXICO won the write-up of the week from I opted not to take the $5000 prize and went for the free T-shirt instead. If any of your blog readers are interested they may read the "award winning" write up on my website.

What he's really saying is "get them to book a trip with me Tone. " OR, " I've been published, how about you?"
Sheesh, get your own blog, daaaaad (said in the voice of Pearl from Spongebob.)

On second thought, this leaves me off the hook to blog today.
Here is the article, in its entirety.


"Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace."

I thought of the old John Lennon lyrics when we drove from Scottsdale to Tucson (both of which use to be part of Mexico) to join the Grand Circle trip to NORTHERN MEXICO. Crossing the border we saw the huge ugly metal fence which now separates the two countries. Use to be that lots of Mexicans crossed this border illegally looking for jobs in America. With no jobs left in America this traffic has slowed down (Another problem solved!). Now they cross illegally to shop at Walmart then go back home.....except for the drug dealers and police who seem to be killing one another in the border towns with such growing numbers that we could have just piled up the bodies and skipped building the rusty fence.

The Mexican peso has had a virtual collapse in the past few months and bargains are everywhere. A really great dinner for two in an attractive and upscale restaurant in Chihuahua (Mexican City and word meaning: rat on steroids) including shared appetizer, shared desert, two HUGE T-Bone steak dinners, at least 3 drinks and tip came to $35.00. The downside to shopping is that there isn't much to choose from.....unless you want junk or boots. This much about Mexico is true: If it's on the endangered species list, the Mexicans make boots out of it.

I take that back about nothing of value to buy. Northern Mexico is a veritable shrine to General Francisco "Pancho" Villa. We toured his house, his car, his gun collection and his headquarters. We saw portraits and murals devoted to him everywhere. We also had numerous chances to buy authentic artifacts. Knowing that he had been decapitated and that his head was never found we were amazed when someone offered to sell us his scull. When we commented that it was too large to carry home, we were offered his authentic scull as a child. If only they took Visa!

Another bargain.... The women loved to buy the Renova, or Retacnyl-A. Tubes of this stuff are pretty much available at every Pharmacy for about $6 for the generic or $11 for the brand name. Apparently the same thing at home requires a prescription and costs about $50. So while the women are dutifully occupied the Pharmacist gets to approach the males, somewhat in the manner of the fake Rolex salesman on Times Square. It goes something like this:
Pharmacist:"We have Viagra!"
Me: "Can I get it over the counter?"
Pharmacist: "Probably, but you'll have to take 2 or 3."

We pretty much bussed through the Northern Mexican states with a train ride across the Cooper Canyon (larger than our Grand, but not as deep or dramatic). We did get to meet some representatives of a couple Indian cultures. The most interesting (personal opinion) were the TARAHUMARAS. These are known to us (Thank you National Geographic) as "the foot runners." You know the ones who run 100 miles and then turn around and run back home when they realize they forget to wear shoes. Actually some of them do wear shoes of a sort. They have learned to cut pieces of rubber from old tires and tie them to their feet. Seems like everyone is getting soft. The Indians still live in cave dwellings. In fact we visited one of the caves and saw for our selves. We had to buy the handmade woven basket to commemorate the climb to 7500 feet.

We also met some Mayo Indians.....famous for inventing "nnaisse." (This could not be verified by Fact Check.)

The Mexican food was consistently wonderful. Those of us who delight in their savory specialties 3 times a day were not disappointed. Some were longing for their bland old diets. De gustibus non est disputandum." The only let down in the culinary department was the "home hosted dinner." This is a real special feature with Grand Circle, the experience of small groups (6 of us) eating dinner at someone's home. The home was very modest and the food even more modest. The Tequila drinks went down well, but the rest was the blandest food in all of Mexico. The first thing we noticed on entering were the Trophies on a shelf.....a number of which proudly showed a "Rooster." I guessed the trophies were for Cockfighting....and the homeowner proudly informed us that her brother raised champions. (It reminded me of my first summer in Arizona, as I approached a Supermarket, a guy with a clipboard stepped in front of me and said: "How do you feel about Cockfighting?" Somewhat surprised and very nervous, I answered: "I don't even arm wrestle."

I feel like I must mention the town of El Fuerte. Cute town with a charming hotel of the same name.....Hotel Cute Town.....just kidding: HOTEL EL FUERTE. ( It's a really old colonial house transformed into something like a museum with rooms. It has more Mexican junk than our house! If you ever get there.....stay there!

All in all a really good two week trip at a discounted bargain price. Great food and folks, nice experiences, and black-belt shopping. Maybe a little too much bus time.....but that's another personal Mary loves to sleep on the bus. Northern Mexico.....if it wasn't so great we wouldn't have bought it in the first place!

I love his sense of humor. That article makes me laugh. Good job dad!

Friday, May 15, 2009

Day 91 - Hasta La Vista

Yo acabar. I am through with being your Princess Puppy. Next time put on the tutu, I walk. Out the door. One dog can only handle so much. Yo comprende?


In an effort to hide a friend's identity, I screwed up their initials. My hello went out to DAD, not DAM. Sorry DAD.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Day 90- Now, pictures

Oh dear readers. Soon I will shut up and start blogging about something else. But, sorry for you, not tonight.

The Obamanator was wonderful. As usual, he made all other speakers sound unrehearsed, uninspiring, downright stupid.

A special hello to DAM, who called tonight. I owe you a call. Thank you for the kind words on the answering machine. And thank you to my blogging buddy, Liz. I copied your cool photobucket slideshow.

His speech's message was brilliantly packaged into the theme of "your body of work is never done." Apropos as ASU was cheeky and would not award Our President an honorary degree (for the love of God ASU, who do you think you are- MIT?) Give the former president of the Harvard Law Review and the Commander In Chief the degree, okay? Obama took this slight, twisted it, and parlayed into his central theme. He essentially told the graduates that learning is never complete, and that they can never rest on their laurels. He came off gracious, but funny. One of the best zingers was when he told the president of ASU to watch his back with the IRS.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Day 89-Graduation

Dear Scot,

The day is here! It was only two years ago (right now) that you started talking about going back to school. I remember you were standing out back, talking to Mike on the phone. Mike had just finished his program at UC Irvine and was encouraging you to go for it. "You'll be done before you know it, " he said.

130 4-hour night classes and 12 8-hour Saturdays later, you've reached the end. On the surface, you've paid 40K for a piece of paper that announces you know a thing or two about business. You did go into the program feeling skeptical, not sure of gaining anything other than debt. But you have been surprised at what you've learned and how it truly applies to your daily living (the same does NOT hold true for algebra though, okay? ) The renewed confidence and wisdom you have amassed is immeasurable. It's evident. Together, we now know what it means to sacrifice, and the kids and I learned what an intrinsic part you play in our family bond.

You managed this devilish dance with little hardship to the family. You studied at work, and on your own time. You persevered when you were sick, and just sick of it. I have never felt so sorry for you as I did on August 26, 2008. It was the day you were laid off, and coincidentally your first day back to class after summer break. It was one of the saddest days of my life. You came home from work, boxes in hand. We then cried together, ate dinner together, and you rode off, alone, to school. We recognized immediately that school was a saving grace. It gave you the stability you needed in a tumultuous time, and a place to channel your energy and thoughts when you didn't have a job to report for. Now, here you are with TWO jobs, juggling it all as never before. I've always marveled at your brain, and this school experiment has made me realize how smart, clever, and resourceful you are. I know it wasn't easy; but you made it look like it was.

A fast 21 months later, and here we are. Mike was right. It's all over before you have time to think about how much it sucks. But that doesn't surprise me. The older I get, this whole ride of life just keeps speeding along. I wish we could just slow down today so we can appreciate what you've done for yourself and our family.

I am so proud of you and your accomplishment.

I love you,


Day 89 - Commercial Interruption

Lately, I've been seeing some good commercials. For example, have you seen the Orkin commercials where the roaches and nasty bugs ring doorbells asking if they can come in and use the phone? When they are turned down, they drive off in a car, all hunkered down over the wheel, gangster-like. Hysterical.

Today, Nora and I caught Old Navy's newest ad. The campaign features SuperModelquins, basically OC-talking mannequins. The ads are great because someone usually loses a finger, has a sliding butt, or simply falls off their metal stand. Sick and clever. I went onto Youtube looking for the current one playing in our market, and watched about six of the ads. Another wonderful waste of my time.

Tomorrow, is Scot's big day. Prepare for photos on Thursday. Goodnight!

Monday, May 11, 2009

Day 88 - King of the Cool Forward

Today I got a forward from my sister-in-law. It was detailing a million other uses for coffee filters. She usually forwards Naked Men from Alaska or chain letters.

My father doesn't forward much junk on the computer. But, if it's a joke involving priests, it'll come your way. He's also partial to sand painters (such as the guy in the Qwest commercials) and street painters who create 3D masterpieces.

My dad sent this one today. It's over five minutes, but worth watching. I started to nod off at the 2-minute mark, but snapped awake to watch the ending.

Hope it's one of the better things to come your way today. Enjoy!

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Day 87 - Mother's Day

Last week my mother informed me that "women rule the world." I'm still puzzled why it took her 67 years to say that; mom, you've instilled that in me forever.

Our "family world leaders" went out to a Mother's Day dinner tonight. We did a repeat of last year, and met at Blue Adobe, a local New Mexican restaurant. There were 10 of us. Scot, me, the kids, my mom and dad, sister Julie and Steve, and two of their kids, Brian and Hailey. I gave my mom a cool shirt I found at Target, and some Mrs. Meyer's cleaning stuff. Hmm.... hope she didn't think that was akin to a husband being his new bride a blender. Didn't mean to insinuate anything there mom! My mom gave me and Julie wonderfully smelly candles. Can't wait to burn it tomorrow.

After seven years of being a mom, I am still not accustomed to being presented with Mother's Day items. There are times I feel like a kid myself, and I'll never get used to the idea that I spit something out of my uterus. But when the waiter presented me with a rose and a Mom's Day Creme Brulee, it took a minute to sink in that it was for me.

My mom is a fantastic mom- and she's had over 47 years experience getting the job down pat. She has endless patience and the most fantastic sense of humor. I know that when she's not laughing and is serious, I'd better listen. She has seen me through some seriously challenging times. I've had some trials with the kids, and lord knows I'll add to them in the coming years. Teen years- Yikes! This is a hard job, and I'm learning as I go. I just know I can't ever give up. EVER. I've got a great model, and the wisdom that comes with the gift of being a woman.

Happy Mother's Day mommas!

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Day 86 - Blog Haiku

Small mind gets used up
Running, planting, sunning, food
The forgotten blog.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Day 85 - 100 Years

On the way home from school today, Maggie asked me if she would live for 100 years.
"You could" I said. "Some people do. I sure hope you do."

I came home to check email, where I found my regular update on Charlotte. I told you about Charlotte before. She's six years old and has been fighting cancer for over 2 years. Here's a portion of the update:

Sometimes it is hard to know where to begin, we get lost sometimes as things progress. Moving surgery dates is always difficult, and this time was no different, maybe more so as the stakes are so much higher. Charlotte’s infusions continue to go very smoothly, it is really hard to know that she sick to see her. Some things bring us back to earth very quickly, like her cough continues to grow a bit more frequent and heavy, and you can hear her wheeze a bit while sleeping. During her PICC placement, they were able to suction a large amount of mucus from her lungs while asleep, and we can tell that she is starting to build up a bit again from the portion of the lung that consists mostly of dead tissue.

We learned some things about the surgery that made things a bit easier to swallow, but not much. Originally we thought that the incision for the procedure was to be a median sternotomy incision, which is through the sternum or center of the chest. They told us that they favor the thoracotomy incision, which is just under the armpit on the left side. This will keep her visible scaring down and hopefully not make her so upset with the new scar. But as far as pain goes, is about the same they told us. Other things learned, the right lung is made up of three lobes, where the left has two, this is for the space the heart needs. So she will get to keep the larger of the two. Minor as it seems, even small victories we need to stay sane right now.

I looked at Maggie sitting next to me, playing Webkinz on the laptop. What a terrible load that Charlotte'e family must carry. They could promise Charlotte they would always be there for her, but could they promise she would be? Last night's bathroom mess suddenly seemed so inconsequential, so unimportant. Today I made a commitment to be a better parent to a child who deserves everything good I can give her. It's not always easy being a parent, but I am making a concerted effort to practice patience and acceptance when I don't always understand. It's the least I can do for my beautiful, healthy child. I love her, and I want her life to be long and happy.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Day 84 - Flood

I just had my Mommy Dearest moment for the day. Nora called me into the bathroom to narc on her sister. Maggie, in her attempt to rid the tub of a single leaf, had dumped umpteen buckets of water onto the floor. It took four gigantic towels to sop up the mess. In the middle of it all was my "Best of the Best," a terrific Food and Wine Magazine book. I was ENRAGED. I pulled Maggie out of the tub, screaming "why would you do that, why? why? did you ever think?", only to realize I didn't know what I was going to do with her then. I put her back in the tub. Some days (today!, some Wednesdays, often on Mondays) I simply cannot bear the irrationality and selfishness children exhibit.

So, it is with that frustration that I bring you two cute quotes for the day. I write them to remind myself that there are moments of endearing cuteness. I'm not feeling it right now, but I know they exist.

"Holy Mother, dear mercy, save me!" Maggie, as she was running away from a bee yesterday.

"Carey said he threw up and had diary." Nora, talking about her friend Carey.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Day 83- It's Official

We got the tickets today. Do you see his name on there? Mr. Hottie? No, not Scot's! Baracks! It's only a week away now. So close I can taste him. I MEAN it! Yeah. But really, I am so proud of Scot. With all the adversity he's trampled through to complete this program, I must commend him. He did it all with so much sacrifice, yet never sacrificed his time to the family. Good job, lovey.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Day 82 - We Need You

Cancer-inducing PigDog, John Edwards

Last month, The Week Magazine asked readers to send in the names of three people who should be locked up in a space capsule, all in order to test the limits of human endurance. Immediately I thought of Keith Olbermann and Bill O'Reilly, but couldn't think of a good third. Coincidentally, the winning entry had Keith Olbermann as one of the three. The other two were Ann Coulter and the third person, and I quote, " doesn't matter. They would hang themselves after 10 minutes of the doors closeed." Brilliant.

But I've got a new one to propose. How about Ann Coulter, Keith Olbermann, and John Edwards. We could watch Olbermann and Coulter battle it out for weeks, waiting for some pent-up sexual tension to unfurl. If no chemistry materialized, we could insert Edwards into the mix. Lord knows he would hop the divide for Coulter (have you seen that Rielle?) If things went on long enough we might be able to ascertain Olbermann's sexuality, and Coulter would ultimately be outed as a transexual. I mean, come on?! Not that any of it matters to me. Or as Miss California said, "No offense to anybody." It would simply make for an interesting study.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Day 81 - Mosaic

I followed Liz Anne's lead with this cool photo application. Took me a while to figure it out (scratchy, itchy brain) but at top are the results to the questions I answered. Though abstract as hell (favorite color red=Obama ?) it really does define me.

The Questions:
1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What is your favorite color?
4. Favorite drink?
5. Dream vacation?
6. Favorite hobby?
7. What you want to be when you grow up?
8. What do you love the most in life?
9. One word to describe you?

The Rules:
a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search ( ).
b. Using ONLY the first page, pick an image.
c. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into Mosaic Maker. Change rows to 3 and columns to 3 (
d. Save the image and post it on your blog or post the link here

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Day 81 - Stuffed and sick

Friday 3 p.m. to Sunday night

frozen yogurt
tomato pesto over penne
2 Mighty Arrows

sausage sandwich
2 pieces of Hawaiian pizza
fruit compote with yogurt

peanut butter toast
2 Franks Hot sauce chicken drumsticks
frozen yogurt
carne adavada with rice and tortilla
1 Dos Equis
1 1/2 sopapillas

When I bitch tomorrow how I'm up 3 pounds, remind me of this post.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Day 80 - Food For Thought

Got so much to do in the next three weeks. So today, I've started purging the house. The closets innards fall out when I open doors; it's time. So, here's what I thought about while cleaning today.

1. If I designed a car, I'd make seat belts a little easier to snap into. When my kids grew out of car seats, I thought my entry to the car would be easier. No.

2. Why can't every burp taste as good as an ice cream cone burp?

3. If you don't like Miss California's answer to gay marriage, stop asking such weighty questions to a 21-year-old. For God's sake- when I was 21 the most important thing was scoring a margarita and a hot car.

4. We went to ASU to pick up Scot's Master's cap and gown. He asked I call him master. I have determined that the campus bookstore makes me giddy. Not sure if it's all the Sun Devil paraphernalia, the stationery, or the books. But just the smell of it all makes me happy.

Off to enjoy a beer. Goodnight!

Friday, May 1, 2009

Day 79 - Home is Where I Wanted To Go

If The Elephant Man waltzed into my bedroom, hauled in a piano, and sat down and proceeded to play, I'd consider jumping his bones.

Pianos and violins are that sexy.

When I first heard Coldplay (circa 2000) I freaked the heck out. The song was "Yellow." I caught the music video to see Chris Martin hammering on the piano keys, head drooping down with each passionate bang. I became an instant Coldplay fan. The melodies melted me, the choruses swooned, and the boys knocked me out. Excuse me if I'm not ready to ditch it all and leave should Martin knock at the door; his piano playing isn't enough. Martin just strikes me as a bit of a freak. But I'll take Guy Berryman. He's the bass guitar player. Together we'd be Toni+Guy. But I digress...

In my will, I have made specific mention that "Clocks" be played at my memorial service. Yeah, I know. Seems like something I should revisit in a few years. But the song ends on such a sweet, melancholic note.

You are home
Home, is where I wanted to go.
Home is where i wanted to go.

This is my all-time favorite song. EVER.