Dear Kid Rock,

Dear Kid, or Rock, or Robert (that's your birth name, right?)

Your hit, "All Summer Long", is catchy enough and all. My kids dig it when it comes on the radio. It's got a great beat, and it makes you feel good. So, I get the appeal. But I can't listen to it. This is where I get bitter and fuddy duddy and hop on my soapbox of talent vs. no talent. Steady yourself.

Can I get frank with you Kid ? It's a rip-off dude. Not unlike Vanilla Ice copying Bowie's "Under Pressure." In this case, you took two stellar songs, "Werewolves of London" and "Sweet Home Alabama" and mixed it all up with some goofy lyrics. It troubles me that you use the word "things" at the end of two lines. That does not constitute a rhyming couplet (' and we were trying different things, we were smoking different things'.) To spread the blame here, I did note that you and 7 other people collaborated on the lyrics. Maybe you were all smoking too many funny things to have one of you figure out that "hot wings" would have worked at the end of one of those lines.

At any rate, I cannot listen to someone with questionable talent, and accept the fact that you reap in millions of dollars. Sure I'm pissed that I didn't think of it first, but that's not the point. I have added you to my list. That's my list of People Who Make More Than Teachers and Police Officers and Should Therefore Spend Their Next Lives As Poor Peasant Paupers. I'm sure you are deeply offended at my outrage. As you read this you're probably gutting your catfish on a sheet of $20's down by the river. But, I just had to let you know anyway.

Sincerely,

Toni T. Muma