Negative Panic

I had just straightened out my body. It was 5 a.m. and my leg had been folded under my body like swan origami. How did I possibly achieve that crazy, flexible position at night when during the day I can't touch my toes? I thought to myself. Just drifting off to sleep again, I heard the noise.

"Fluuuu fluuuu fluuuu fluuu." "Ruffffffff, rufffff" "fluuuuuuwwwww fluuwwwww." "Arrrr Arrr!!! Fluu fluuu fluuwwwwwww."

WHAT THE HELL?

But what I thought I heard along with the dogs barking were gunshots, falling furniture, a terrorist attack. I hadn't heard the alarm go off, so I nixed the idea of an armed gunman. Unless Scot had had it with me stealing the covers? And then I heard a shrill voice screaming.

"Scot, what is it?"
"What's going on?"
"Is it an earthquake?"
"Why are the dogs barking?"
"Scot, make it stop!"

The frantic, insane woman screaming was me, my voice muffled by the pillow. Out of fear, I had thrown myself under the blankets and covered my head with the pillow. I glanced out long enough to see that Scot had turned on the lights. He was perched on our bed, removing a Mylar balloon from the ceiling fan. Every "fluuuu fluuu" was the balloon whipping between the blades. The accompanying barking had been the dogs valiant attempt at protecting their family from a dangerous Spongebob balloon.

I emerged from the covers, shaking and crying.
Petrified.
I had been petrified. And I had done nothing. I had hid, expecting my man to take care of me.

Scot and I spent the next twenty minutes looking for the dogs. Bernice had skirted out the doggy door and was standing outside, shivering in fear. Patrick had run into Nora's room and was camped out under her bed. We gathered the dogs, and headed back to our bedroom. By the door I saw a wet spot, and two Tootsie Roll piles.

Patrick had experienced his own negative panic. He literally lost control of his functions as he fled the insanity of the bedroom. It looks as if Patrick and I should not go into law enforcement together. Nothing like a cop who hides from the perp and a K9 who craps at the crime scene.