A Day to Reflect

September 11th has become a day to reflect. Perhaps it is because we all knew where we were physically when the tragedy happened that we remember so distinctly where we were emotionally and financially in our lives as well. I didn't lose a loved one that fateful day, and I didn't view the atrocity firsthand. My life (thank God) did not become severely altered that beautiful September morning . But we all changed in some way seven years ago. We became aware that nothing stays the same, and that we are all vulnerable. The U.S. lost it's shit-eating grin, and I saw that my life wasn't always under my control. Trite as it sounds, I got tough after September 11th.

That Tuesday was an ordinary day. Scot and I stumbled across the hot Arizona asphalt into an obstetrician's office in the morning. We visited a new dentist that day. The office had TVs recessed into the ceiling with live footage of the attacks playing on every screen. Two months later Scot and I recalled that we were both given orders to have further work done by the dentist, but we couldn't for the life of us remember what those orders were. For dinner that night we sat in a crowded sports bar and watched a big screen TV project a WTC building crumble to the ground. It was ghastly and crude given the environment, but appropriateness had fallen by the wayside. People didn't want to be alone. My parents were in China for two weeks, unreachable. The World seemed to be spinning off its axis and we were all along for the harrowing ride. The one saving grace after the attacks was the kindness people exhibited. Never before have I seen people drive so well, or heard so many "thank you's." We needed to dole out kindness to prove that goodness still existed.

Right after 9/11 , I was glad George Bush was in the White House. I naively thought we could all be wrapped in the warm blanket of high defense spending. It didn't seem possible that with a tough team like Colin Powell and Donald Rumsfeld we would be attacked again. To an extent, this was correct. We have dodged many planned attacks whose chatter was heard by the right people. For all these averted disasters, I'm grateful to my government.

But I also never realized that being attacked and then attacking ( Iraq) could devastate our country's economy. My life was financially solvent for 29 years. Not one bump in the road. On 9/11, Scot and I were flush with successful jobs that brought in good money. Sadly I was always under the assumption that good, hard work was enough to keep you employed. On October 29, 2001, a week after Maggie's birth, Scot was laid off from his job. The terrorist attacks were the impetus that slowed the economy, and stopped his company's IT spending. In between then (2001 ) and now, Scot has held four jobs. In each job, despite having more experience and working on a Master's degree, Scot's salary has gone down. We were making 80% more money in 2001 than we did on Scot's last job. That would be the job he lost last month on account of today's weak economy.

Nowadays, Scot is looking for another job, and I'm busy doing day care and tending to the kids. We await this upcoming election with great anticipation. Change is ever-present in this household and we're ready to see how our new leaders are going to positively shape and direct the way this country is headed. What 9/11 has taught me is that tough times must be weathered, and that nothing good, or bad, lasts forever. Hope is the only thing that you need to have when you get up on a no-prospect, ugly Monday. Hope that the day will improve with a phone call or an encouraging word. Kindness buoys self-esteem just when you feel yourself sinking in a pitty party puddle. What I fall back on is that my family has a beautiful life and has been given great opportunities over the years.

Today, I can look back and see where I've been and how far I've come through some tough, tricky shit. Many years back, I filled out a survey asking me if I was "emotionally strong". At the time the biggest emotional wallop I had handled had been a romantic break-up. I had been coddled and loved by parents, a great husband and financial security all my life. I wasn't sure I'd ever dealt with true adversity. I answered "no". I received the same email questionnaire recently and was asked the same question. "Are you emotionally strong?" Without hesitation I answered "yes". Yes, I'm strong as hell.