Day 8 - Intervention

Against my better judgement, I went to Toys" R" Us. Target didn't carry the Graco Tot-n-Loc kiddie chair I needed, so I thought I could find it at the toy Whorehouse, I mean Warehouse. I also needed to replenish some day care toy supplies. While we were there I was going to allow the girls to pick out a couple of crafts for our upcoming trip.

We quickly found the Crayola craft aisle, where I found some new markers, and the "True to Life" crayons. The crayons, housed in plastic, are three colors swirled into one. When you color grass, you get a neat effect from the three shades. The same goes for ocean pictures. Next, the hunt was on for modeling clay. Try as I might, I could not locate clay. I had remembered seeing Crayola Clay, sold in foil-wrapped bricks before. An "associate," a 16-year old kid, informed me that the store didn't carry clay.

"What do you mean, there is no clay?" I said.
"We don't have clay," he shot back. "We have Moon Sand." He said this as if these items were completely interchangeable.
"NOOOOOOO way," I said. "Not Moon Sand. Uh uh." That shit is the work of the devil. In thirty years, that crap will make asbestos look like pollen. It gets all over everything, and doesn't disintegrate. I hosed it off the patio into the grass six moths ago, and it's still there.

The "no" answer on clay would not do. I found an older woman who worked at the store. When I asked her where the clay was, she said, "We don't sell it. Can you believe that?"

No, I couldn't. Sad.

"Forget it, we'll dig up some dirt from the back yard, reconstitute it, and call it clay, " I joked with the saleswoman. She was old enough and wise enough to know the teasing sarcasm in my voice meant no harm. She laughed, and I laughed.

"Now, could you tell me where the Tot Loc chairs would be?" I asked the woman.
"Oh, I remember those, " she said. "I had one for my kids. You hooked it on the counter or table so the babies could eat with you. Weren't they the best? Yeah, we don't have them anymore. I guess they were kind of dangerous."
I walked off with an enormous Fisher-Price contraption.

We turned the corner and began our search for a good day care activity that all the children could enjoy. There are only so many times the kids can do the same puzzle or load the Little People Bus. I told the girls to start looking for a viable, entertaining activity they and their friends could enjoy again and again. I was thinking dominoes , an erector set, or some balls.

Maggie came back to me with the "Spongebob Squarepants Operation" game.
"No, Mags, we have Operation."
"But this is Operation with Spongebob!" she retorted.

Nora sauntered forward with a giant Barbie head. It looked like the Barbie head from my youth that you colored and cut, but this one also sang. And spun her head 360 degrees, screaming "fuck me! fuck me! " when you crossed her.

"No, Nora, something boys and pacifists will enjoy too, " I joked.

This time Maggie brought me the Spongebob edition of Ants in The Pants.

"For God's sake, NO. It's a piece of cheap plastic, with paper clip ants you shoot in his pants."
"Don't you see, you two?
You've been duped.
You are addicted to commercialism.
Life is not all Disney, and Spongebob.
If Spongebob is so darn important to you though, I'll dress up like him while we play Lincoln Logs , okay? !"
"Will that complete the package, will it, will it?"

I was getting loud. And my rant was difficult for the children to understand. The look on Maggie's face was skepticism mixed with fear. She wasn't challenging me anymore. Nora stared at me blankly and asked what Lincoln Logs were. I wanted to cry.

Things were looking bleak. I turned the aisle to leave, when Hark! - what was on the next aisle? Legos. Legos in primaries, Legos in pastels for today's woman. Lego's with a city theme, a Star Wars theme, a train theme. Legos for all. And so I sold them on Legos. Well, I'm not sure I sold them. Rather I told them- this is what mommy is buying and you will like them.

Armed with my bucket of Legos, art supplies, and a gigantic plastic dining seat, I headed to the register . I think it can be said that there are many positive things about progress and childrens' toys today. For example, Maggie could whip my butt in Tetris, and knows her way around the keyboard. But can she build a home with Legos and one day have Ken pork Barbie on the Dream House balcony? It seems toys that make you dream up a story or become a character of your own are dying out. Imagination and danger in the toy store are becoming hard to find. I'm not sure I could have made my point any better in Toys "R" US. But I think I got through to them. When we got home, the girls played with the Legos for hours. Together, we built a helicopter, a car, and a house complete with a flowerbed.