Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Day 70 - I Was Feeling Part of the Scenery, I'd Walk Right out of the Machinery, My Heart Going Boom Boom Boom, Hey, I said, You Can Keep

My Things They've Come to Take Me Home.


I'd like to preface this entry. This blog is a funny thing. I'm not one to talk about myself; really, don't laugh. Just ask anyone who knows me. I ask a lot of questions, but don't volunteer much. This is my diary. If I come off sounding self-obsessed, I apologize. This is where my deep thinking gets done. This is more for me than for you. Just dragging you into the quagmire.

Here it is: I question where I am going with my career. Or lack of it. Daily. The reason this problem (or lack of it) has entered my conscious is that both kids will be in school full-time next fall. That seems to be the natural transition for me to seek employment outside the home.

Should I return to school? Shouldn't I? Do I pound the pavement for an office job? I have days I crave a corporate wardrobe and the urge to dump a pile of papers on someones desk. It's because I've never had a real job. Perhaps I need to go watch some more episodes of "The Office." I know the reality is not so glamorous.

Do I have so much more to offer the World? (is that a joke?) Some days I feel I should punch a clock because I am a strong, independent woman who doesn't want to lean on any man. And other days I appreciate the comforts of being able to work at home.

I look ahead at the beautiful life laid out before me for the next year and wonder why I even bother considering a job change. In the next twelve months I have four fantastic trips planned. TRAVEL- that is my true passion. Maybe I should start seeing a job as a way to a means to an end again. I work, therefore I make money, therefore I can be home with my children and travel. Shouldn't that be satisfaction enough?

In the meantime, I am like a total schizophrenic . My mind changes with the wind. One day I'm headed back to school, the next to a part-time job at Anthropologie (thanks for the suggestion Dana!) I'm sure my family thinks I've gone off my meds. I'm pretty sure it's just the two Broken Arrows I had with the salmon for dinner.

"Solsbury Hill," Peter Gabriel, 1977.

1 comment:

Happy Me said...

I sooo understand what you're saying...thanks to my husband. Society gives this message to all of us that unless we're climbing the corporate ladder, constantly striving for something more, that we're not successful.

I so bought into this for the first 15 years of my working life and through the end of my first marriage (of 13 years). I had two children, worked full time, climbed the ladder, and successfully completed an assoicates degree and then a bachelor's degree. It was what I thought I was supposed to do, and I was miserable.

Enter boyfriend (now husband) who has taught me that work is only important to the extent that it pays the bills and allows us to live life. Sure, it's nice if you enjoy what you're doing to earn a living, but what's important is living life, time with family, friends, and pets, doing things you love that do not involve your "career."

Since I've backed off the corporate climb (which suprisingly, happened in spite of my backing off) I'm so much happier, less stressed, and REALLY loving life.

I guess what I'm saying, is try not to put society's pressure on yourself because your kids will be in school. Think about what will make you happiest :-)